Saturday, 1 February 2020

We breathe another passing

Again we breathe, again we forgive. We are condemned. Are we to be sacrificed? 
Who will decide? 
You are the judge. 
God may guide you but the arrow is in your hand. Pray as you wish but it is your hand the blood leaks from. 

He hates me. The one I love hates me. Just my mere breathing frustrates him. But I am here. In my womb he grows. In my womb I believe he will die. I do not wish it I do not want it but I fail at all I do, why should I succeed at this? Somebody tell me how? My career is over, my reputation tarnished. I am only known for my faults. 

All I have to give is love.
I’ve been told I’ll be the scum of earth or a parent. Him and me both. Why? Because we do not have money? 
That my friends is no scum of earth. 
Money is a lot of things but it is not love for one another. You don’t pay god to love you. You pray. 
All he has to give is resentment. Hate and fear.

I understand it. I know it to be true. But I’m praying on that first kick and that first cry he will be blinded by unconditional love. 

He says he’s worried I’ll murder the child in my anger. My anger is now controlled. I can be physically and mentally abused and walk away my head high with a smile. Because I am loved and I have love and I will give love.
True, you need more than love but love is always the essential. We are in this together because alone we have no fighting chance. 

The day has been slow, the rain does not wish to pour. And my faith is falling asleep. 
I haven’t showered I haven’t eaten. I feel nothing. I type nothing. 
Here’s to a another night! 
May we make it through unharmed and uncanny . 
Bye for now xx 

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