Tuesday, 18 September 2018

Suppress and depress

Okay so where to begin. I feel like I can’t vent on my account on instagram due to the public and shit and my job it’s just not respectable. This blog is a secret and my only voice. I can’t bare to tell anyone how bad I’m doing because it’s looks like I’m doing so well from the outside! I’m broke, lonely and sad. But at least I’m tanned. I’m hungry and fat. It never ends. I hate my body and I just medicate it. No one will ever love this mess. That’s the blunt truth. No wonder I have no friends in this town. But I have my cat and I think he likes me. I’m just so exhausted like I want to sleep forever. And then my nightmare continues and I wake up drenched in sweat. It’s horrendous. No one understands how much I’m falling apart. I’m so broken and I have no where to turn. My psychiatrist is too busy, my psychologist would side track me and my mental health nurse would just downplay it. Like is this Just life as a borderline or are my days numbered? I wish I had someone to make a plan with. I wish he would text me back. I wish I had someone who cared. I wish I wasn’t alone. I wish so much and the reality is none of it will come true. The fact is there are more than one person out there for everyone. “The one” is a facade I’m sorry. We all adapt we all move on in time. 

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