Monday, 10 September 2018
Suicide prevention day.
No I’m not okay I’m sick of people preaching raising awareness of suicide when it does jack shit for anyone. If someone wants to take their life they do you can’t raise awareness you can only be nice to people and know the implications of your actions. Suicidality and suicide ideation awareness is more fitting. Fuck I know people are trying to raise awareness and that’s good but I’m so angry. I think because I’ve failed so many times? Now I just play with fate. I’m a mess. I can’t cut because I’ve ran out of places and I don’t want bandages all over my arms in this weather but really I’m not doing because I know how judged and but I’m so judged and I feel so ugly. I’m a freak. I’m broken I feel nothing and so much. I’m just so exhausted. This medication this depression is exhausting. Life is exhausting and I don’t know how I’m going to cope with placement or life I have so much uni work to do but instead I spend my day lying in the sun and going to bed at 7 pm. God I’m so tired so I took a bunch of anxiety and antipsychotic meds to drown out the thoughts. Drowningggg