So tired

I let everyone down including myself. I just have to cut. And now I need stitches which I won’t be getting because I’m too ashamed to seek help. I do my placement in the same hospital in 3 weeks I can’t have them looking at me like this. No personality at all. I’m a mess now but will hopefully wake up a different person again. I’m so numb and lost in emotion. I’m so ashamed. How do we pretend everything is okay. I’m so fu-(cked