Nightmares

So many nightmares. I got through today but now I’m crying. Maybe I shouldn’t have reduced my medication but what have I got to lose? I’m already a mess. I don’t know if can handle uni. It’s so much work but without it I’m nothing. I hate trying to plan a future it leaves be so open to vulnerability. I know my issues I know I’m depressed that’s why I get nightmares. I never grew out of it. I never grew up. I’m just a child trapped in this hell of a body. This bodyvi keep trying to destroy. This body I keep harming. Probably haven’t self harmed in 3 weeks. I’m about due but I’ve been doing really well I thought? I’m just so sick of life and all it’s antics. All this mumbo jumbo crap people pull. How long do I have to put up with this shit? How long do I have to be alone? Where is my cat when I need him?