Tuesday, 17 July 2018

Idk anymore

I’m not sure what I’m thinking. I’m determined not to settle in this body. I must lose weight and be small again. I’ve done it twice I can relapse again. When will it kill me? Is that what I’m hanging on to? Do I miss the attention of people worrying about me. Probably worse now actually I just don’t know what way to turn. I don’t understand this body and I don’t want to. I feed myself and I shower two major wins everyday, two commitments to living. Work tomorrow and I’m stressing. Then work every day for 4 days. Where will I find the energy of motivation? Fuck my life haha dramatic I know but I just want to sleep. This depression is exhausting, 
Medication to numb the soul and sedate me before I do something I’ll regret. I’m so lonely. I’m in black. I feel nothing 

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