Friday, 6 July 2018

Help

Trigger ⚠️ warning-
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Will this blog be my legacy when I die? Because I take comfort this will kill me. Whether I’m planning my suicide or not it’s going to happen probably accidentally because I just don’t care. I don’t care about anything. I showered at 2:30 pm today because I knew I couldn’t be fucked now but I just stood there letting the boiling water burn me. I know people care about me and I’m loved but does that matter? It doesn’t change how I feel about death. I’m hanging on by a thread or am I hanging from an extension chord in the garage? What the fuck am I doing to myself and I know I know I’m being dramatic. It’s Sarah being Sarah. No one gets me! No one understands. Well J understands and E. My mental health friends but I can’t put into words how I’m feeling why I’m crying I can’t comprehend what’s going on. I’m so lost and I know how cliche that is but you don’t understand!!! I’m dying inside and no one can save me from myself. Every day I act I play the part and I shut up, then come nighttime I realise how I’m bullshitting everyone and that I just can’t do this forever. I need to change or I’m going to die. Will I wither into nothing? Most likely. Just a number in the system. There’s no point to any of this. I just want to disappear I just want to fade away, 

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