Tuesday, 3 July 2018

Cancel out

I’m in a bad patch that much I know. Giving it my all not to cut because we all know it achieves marks that don’t fade. I don’t know what I’m thinking and I don’t know where I’m going. I’m not enough for you. I’m going to be alone for a long time because I can’t accept anyone into my life not because I’m not ready but because I’m isolating. I don’t feel like anyone takes me seriously. Is my situation mild? Am I nothing? I’m superficial. Don’t worry about me because I’m already dead inside. Do I cut more so people know I’m serious that the thoughts are real. How do I make people understand when I don’t even understand myself. I’m so thankful for my cat. I don’t want to fail. I want to go places I do want a future I suppose I just have these thoughts and voices in my head telling me to fail. Am I a mistake? Why do I put myself in these situations. Why do I write these thoughts? You tell me to write so I do. It’s meaningless and superficial but maybe I shouldn’t worry about helping others and help myself. I don’t want to make mistakes but I also understand that’s how we learn and grow. I know nothing and yet I know everything. Why don’t I convert this effort and knowledge into smarts and ace my nursing. I’m going to nail this shit and I’m going to find a facade of happiness. 

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