Thy worry thy self

Oops I did it again. Bit of this bit of that and maybe you’ll have a solid sleep or maybe you drown on your own vomit as your heart slows. Either way. T minus one day till my exam if I don’t commit in the meantime. Still have a pulse. Still here folks. I had to do this to myself because I’m so embarrassed of who I am and the things I say and do. I’m a train wreck without a destination. A flower without petals. I am dirt on the ground. 

Fucking hell I know what I want why am I doing this to myself? How can someone so smart be so stupid. Wow I do need a psych. I am due for an admission but I don’t wanna be the patient anymore I want to be the nurse. 

I need to sleep.

Update: parents came to see me after someone rang them after something I posted on social media. They think I’m five though that’s it’s Just the exam I’m “stressing” over. Little do they realise I’m dead inside and don’t actually appreciate or acknowledge the fact I’m well I don’t know what I am. I don’t understand any of this so no wonder no one else does. I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine. Dancing with death but I’m fine