Suicidal

Okay so I’m still thinking on my feet here and I think so suicidal I’m st the point where it’s normal? Like I accept death and welcome it in a way but I actually don’t want to die I just want to survive. I really don’t care about myself I’m just living each day. I don’t really care about anything okay now that’s cliche. I care but I don’t? I just want to sleep forever. I know this is the borderline talking and also the depression but to just give up is another thing. What am I doing