Friday, 11 May 2018

Welcome to the show

Ladies and gentleman here we are again. At war with yours truely and I don’t know well I do know how to make it stop. What pleases me depresses and destroys others. I could ring but why? Why save me? I don’t deserve shit. I deserve a bullet. This numbness I can’t share. This weight I can’t bare. I’m so weak and I have a degree to do but how can I go on? 
I dropped my second contract today. I just can’t focus but work is everything to me. What am I doing? Do I have a purpose? I’m sick of forming questions! Forming lies! I’m so angry and I need to do something. I have no purpose I have no one to love. I live for my cat. But what when he dies? Gosh I’m actually starting to scare myself. I’m sorry this is not my usual blog. I’m crashing and probably need help but I should just go to sleeps take some tablets and go to sleep. Works a charm. Then the more tablets I take the more often. One day I will not wake up and that day will be a good day. I’m only human. I bleed when I fall down. Knives in my heart. I fall apart. Down down down I’m so depressing like I must just depress people whether I live or die. I’m so confused yet things are so blatantly clear. Clear as the depths of lithium. Watch me burn out cos here I go. Don’t report just better yourself. Go outside breathe. Run be free of illness. Be free of pain but we all feel pain. We all lose someone close we all have emotions no matter how sociopathic you may be. We are nothings in nothingness. Blind but see all. Empty as a shell. Lord help us move forward. Help us move on from this out of hell. I’m struggling. Now is the fight. Fight of our lives. Do or die. Fight or flight. What will you biologically chose? 

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