Monday, 21 May 2018
Alas I’m now vegetarian again but still trying to eat chicken but it’s hard. I don’t like eating animals I never have. I was vegetarian for 6 years when I was a teenager. Now I’m back there. And now I feel I’m gaining insight and possibly control of my bpd through medications, positivity and my wellness plan. But I must not become complacent as we all know how quick things can change.
It seems when the bpd is under control the ED flares up and vice versa. Fuck.
I’m struggling my dears. Restricting and eating a cleaner diet. Still managing 60cal coffee and apples this relapse which is good! Trying to maintain my gluten free diet to avoid purging necessarily.
I didn’t go to uni today and discovered I will not receive extra points as I missed the adaptive quiz’s or when it said 10/10 turns out there was 20 questions but my computer DID NOT display that! Arghhhhh. Failure it feels. Though I’m flourishing I wonder how my exams will go with my anxiety as my medications dull my senses ie memory and recall but without them I forget everything under stress. Fuck.
Another placement at meals on wheels tomorrow. Can’t say I’m looking forward to it but at least it’s meaningful. I just feel so helpless and useless. So hungry right now. Need to sleep. Tomorrow is another day