Tuesday, 1 May 2018

Dear old Ana

Just when you think you’re doing okay and you let your guard down, oh miss Ana pops up and crushes your heart. The fear, the secrets, the behaviours! WHY!!?? I don’t want to be like this. One minute I can eat because I need fuel the next no you’ve had enough for the day x calories no more. But I think I’m hungry? No don’t be stupid you must starve. And so I suffice with a 60 calorie vanilla coffee and I know tomorrow I will be back to black coffee with sweetener. Farkkkk do I want to stop? Because apart of me doesn’t want this. Ana is in my head. Just a little more weight then you’ll be happy. LIES LIES LIES! I know this so why can’t I accept it? Arghhh the internal battle! Please give me strength to evade these thoughts and eat for wellness. #anorexia #anorexiarecovery #edwarrior #fightnorflight #boobsoverbones #foodforfuel #nourishnotpunish #nourishtoflourish #selfharm #suicide #oxazepam #olanzapine #lithiumrecovery

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