Monday, 18 January 2016
So here I am again, my mind is taking over my thoughts and my thoughts are consuming my soul. I'm the weight of a heffalump and I can't see otherwise. I'm inconsolable I know. I'm already thinking about not eating breakfast tomorrow because all I am is repulsed by my body. I've cried for the last two hours about my weight and even now I'm teetering in the balance of tears if I stop listening to music. I'm listening to the same playlist which consists of the songs : I don't wanna be here anymore, make it stop - rise against , faint, what I've done and numb - linkin park, the world is ugly - mcr, Avalanche and throne - bring me the horizon. I might now turn to mcr to sleep . They always understand how I feel . Maybe has something to do with the fact they are all about death and so am I .
Seriously considering pulling this damned tube out!!! It's pinned to my shirt with a safety pin.... Not very safe for me! Guess what happens now if I can't fight off these self harm thoughts. But if I hurt myself I only get detained longer so I'm fighting for my life right now, literally.