Saturday, 23 January 2016
Dear Anorexia/Rex #1.
Today anorexia stopped me going out publicly. I didn't have friends to go with so I went to the town oval Australia Day celebration with my favourite two aunties. I had a fabulous time with them but then anorexia creeps in. She crept right On top of my back and was making it hard to breathe, she made me anxious like what was I doing there. She stopped me eating anything because all I could focus on was fat people eating everywhere. I couldn't stop staring. There was forbidden foods everywhere and people were just eating it no worries😱 I felt so rude. I felt so alone besides being surrounded by my loving family. She didn't like the loud music so I had to leave and walk home because getting a lift doesn't burn calories. Anorexia didn't however ruin going out on the river with my main supporters mum and dad on one of our boats to watch the spectacular fireworks display that seemed to be only for us as it casts out over the river where we were. Anorexia did not steal that from me.
Since coming home she's wanted me to cut and to overdose. So I've taken my meds and some lorazepam which wasn't a good idea cos I had been drinking but anorexia forgets that. She stopped me having a shower because I deserve to punish myself for not being better today. So mums taken my tablets away so I can't OD but I want to cut cos she needs to punish me. Punish me for being exposed in public, for eating meals today, for working and stopped me having fun. You turn fun into stress. Luckily a beautiful friend Ashlee stayed on the phone and walked me home before more self harm thoughts come in. Basically anorexia wants death. That is her goal, and I'm fighting as hard as I can. Please God bless me and help me beat this bitch. Because anorexia you are a bitch. Damn it Rex. Damn you and your illness.