Monday, 19 October 2015

Now or never.

Here we are again. 
I'm sick of this body in sick of these dissorders. I'm sick of being controlled. No more I'm taking myself back either commit to destroying myself completely or recovery from this mess. The mess of rehabilitation can't be that hard to clean can it? I freak over one kilo. How can the doctors scales say 39 and mine say 36. I'm going to starve this beast. The switch has been flicked. Bring it on. Day by day I will repeat this series. I don't care what specialists have to say or prescribe. I'm drugged enough to do this. And cutting well helllooooo back to being me. Every time I fail I will cut. It's what I deserve. I'm 22 and a loser. No one wants to be friends with you freak. Good for nothing. Lifeline is as good as it gets. Is suicide back in the cards for me? I can't talk to people about it cos once my mum knows the game is over and I'll never be left alone again. I do deserve to die. I always have. I'm sorry to those who love me but what have I really to offer the world? I was never meant to be here in this position . Never meant to be alive. I am nothing. 22 and as useless as a baby. I just want to cut myself. So much I will but not where I want. Wrists is what I want but that's too obvious. I don't want attention but lifeline is all I have. God keeps giving me chances and it's time I took them. Time to listen. Goodnighy

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