Saturday, 10 October 2015
No I'm not fine not that you would care. It's about you. It's always about you. You make me the bad guy. How can I set myself free? I feel like I should hurt myself because that's what you do to me you make me want to cut myself. I've tried to help you so many times and all you do is push me away and ignore me. I'm struggling. I needed a friend and you were and never have been there. Yet I'm still there for you. How many times do I have to be the good guy? But oh I'm the bad guy that says hurtful things. One misunderstanding and look where it leaves me. You don't even care so I don't know why I'm so upset by this. I want to take a handful of tablets and cut so deep it can't be stitched together again. And if you committed suicide I would blame myself. It would destroy me. You would finish me off. Then I would have a reason for everyone to hate me and me hate me. Murderer. Please don't though. I still care enough to beg you not to die. Whatever I do is wrong however I feel is wrong. I don't know what to do or think or say. This whole situation is crap. All I can do is listen to music and hope and pray tomorrow is a better day where no one kills themselves and pain doesn't exist. Fuck this I have work tomorrow but cutting my wrist is too opportunistic. Fighting in my mind. Do or die. Carry on. Are you worth my blood? Am I worth another scar ? Are you worth destroying all that I've built. I was doing well before you came and woke this pain up. You've got hell to pay. I give up. Don't give in .