Sunday, 25 October 2015

Failure.

I squeeze my toy bunny tighter and tighter. The only one to understand and no judgement because he is material and fluff and the single most important treasured item I own. I would die for bunny. So I've decided to take him inpatient with me tomorrow to the hospital. I'm so scared for tomorrow. I will be the fattest one there guaranteed. I'm the weight of a weight restored anorexic. BMI 14 is stupid. Means nothing to me. I don't think they can help me. I'm too far gone. I'm not worth saving in the first place. Contemplating taking a razor because I know I will feel the thoughts as my weight goes up I will have the urge to cut and with a razor I will attempt suicide. That's how bad I've come again. I'm sorry my family. But I'm broken. You don't need a broken embarrassment fool for a daughter and a sister. You say I'm killing myself. Yes that's exactly what I'm doing I'm just still alive to see the damage I do. Lord I'm sorry. Lifeline time? They are probably sick of me but j have no one else to talk to . So long fellow fools of imagination whatever that means . Try again for a better ending. When you find one let me know. Xx 

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