Tuesday, 27 October 2015
Fade to black.
The noose pulls tighter around my neck. My eyes turn black and my soul sets out. I'm free of this pain. The blood boils over but I'm flying high. I'm out of this world and into the next. The edge of darkness is closing around me. I feel as though I'm melting through my fingers. The sunshine blinds my already darkened eyes. I'm free. I feel pain releasing and guilt relieving. And then I wake up. I'm alive. But am I grateful? Is this life worth living? People love me but all I do is hurt them. Again and again I hurt them deeply. I'm so sorry to cause you pain if only you understood that this life is killing me and it's my own fault. I do this to myself at my own expense. You think this is all intentional but I assure you it's not. If only you saw how I see it.forgive me please forgive me for doing this to you all. My intention was to hurt me not every positive person in my life. This illness strikes again and pulls me in. I will fight for you but I'm not that strong. I will try for you but make no promises. I will keep on living not because it needs to be done but because you are important to me and losing you scares the shit out of me. Can you fix me now? Save me from myself? Who will help me fight? Don't let me drown. I'm here now. It's okay....... Isn't it?