Cracked 36.

Today I cracked 36.4kg. Don't know how to feel about it. Makes my BMI 14.20 . Doesn't feel good enough. I'm still fat. But I'm so tired. It hurts to walk and I freak over everything I eat. Just had to confess somewhere to get it out my head. Freaking out I have to have lunch tomorrow at McDonalds. 

I feel so plain. My mind is so blank I can't carry conversations anymore because no one is on inside. The light is out. Ding dong no ones home. Lord save me. Then the eating dissorder clinic and my counsellor rang me today. Monumentous day really. I refused a bed and I said I'm fine. Am I fine? I can't think. I'm not recovering cos I refuse to believe I'm ill. I haven't finished yet.