Saturday, 31 January 2015
No one and nothing.
No one reads this. I can't help others cos I can't even help myself. I'm afraid of my future, my days, my time I'm afraid of me. Who am I kidding. I don't have control. I have nothing but those around me. I want them in my life I want them in my life but nothing can change me. I'm hanging by a thread. I think if I stopped my medication I could probably fall off the edge. I have the thoughts. Honey they never leave. I'll say whatever you want me to just let me drown. I'm already underwater. I can't see my future. I don't see it! I don't! Why am I here!? For goodness sake what the hell is wrong with me. Oh wait I know the answers to that but can I change? I need to try but for who. For you or for me?
God I'm sorry I sin this much. I'm a disgrace. I shouldn't vent on the Internet but hey might make for a good study one day. I'm swallowed by my guilt. I feel numb and yet I ache. I fake so much and you fools think I'm happy. I should have taking up acting. I should have done a lot of things. But I didn't and this is all I am.