Saturday, 21 December 2013

Not again.

Who am I ? Why do I keep doing this. This weight plaques me now more than ever. I worry over every bite I take. I think I'm mentally making myself feel sick like each mouthful is poison. I cannot exercise without fainting in the 45 degree heat. 
I've lost possessions because I can't think long enough to remember where I have put them. 
I can't sleep and if I do it's bad dreams to nightmare. 
I'm sucked of energy and dizzy. 
I carry on to my despair. 
My book pile grows each day as I fail to commit. 

I think of this blog and often and keep myself from expressing what's really going on. I think this could inflict more pain then understanding because no one benefits from this shit. 

What's your opinion of me? Please let me know. 
I guess it's something along the words of selfish, stupid, pathetic, lonely, unappreciative and sick. 
I torment myself and those around me. 
I receive no messages as I have no friends therefore no one replies either. Why would they waste that 10 seconds on my sorry soul. 

I'll ask you about you, but you don't ask about me. What will you think when you read this? Sorry you forgot me? It's my fault cow the world doesn't revolve around me? True but I give you the time of day and go out of my way, a word of thanks wouldn't go astray. 
Why would I hold my head up for someone new when I'm so destined to be alone. Those will only suffer from knowing me. 

Another Christmas watching everyone happy with their lives. Everyone moving on to new beginnings. And here I am continuing in a motionless suicidle circle of darkness. 

I don't want you to change because I know now what to expect. 
I don't want to pretend my feelings much longer as the rope strains. 
This is the end of another year of continuing my mistakes. 
I can't do this, though this is all I am. 

Don't feel sorry for me because you know I was lost a long long time ago. 
I am sorry. 

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