Friday, 15 November 2013

Puke my ribs.

Does reading all this make you feel depressed at all? Or how? That you know my secrets, my fears and my lies. I think my writing this could possibly be more damaging then good. If I could help just one person I would approve this whatever it is. I fear who reads this. Someone I talked to today? Someone who saw me that I didn't see? Questions in need of answers .. = life. 
As usual I appolagize my blabber. 
I can feel the mucous in my crushing my lungs. Antipyretics fail to reduce my fever and I won't be sleeping anytime soon. Sorry! I am wondering who is out there. Like when I hear a plane I look up to see and think of all the people on there and their lives. When vise versa and I'm on a plane I wonder about  the people below, their lives with accomplishes and loses. All the pain and joy. No one I know yet someone I might come across or maybe someone you know who's friends cousin has heard of. 
Too short a life, too simple, too difficult and confusing! I want to shoot myself in the head due to what lies beneath. Today I learned of water babies. In hospital of a terminaly ill born child thy feed water into their brains until it crushes or drowns their poor brains. Thy are asleep and possibly on morphine but their heads can just keep expanding due to that water. I see myself as each day I continue to live I am glad I get closer to my death and actually think to myself To put me in a placid deceiving mood that there is a possibility of me dying today. If I go out I increase the chance of an accident happening than if I just stayed at home. 
Are you questioning people in your head? Did you see me lately and think I was doing well? Thought I was happy and improving? Haha jokes on you. You or anyone will never change this mind of mine and that is just how things go. 

If this blog is to continue I may publish. I've pathetically been giving it thought lately if anyone would be gutsy or silly enough to publish it. I can think of many books and publishing not worth a minute considering to read. 
For now I keep my borderline mind within the border of this page. 

I hope I did not depress you too much. 

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