Friday, 20 September 2013

All the real people are not real at all.

Just when your ahead, you fall apart again. 
A glass empty or full, who gives a shit. 
How can one relationship you didn't know how to control fuck you up so bad? 
People are not suppose to act like that but At the time you trusted them and you thought it was normal. Only when other people day and movies you watch do you notice something is wrong. 
If Christianity couldn't save me who would? 

I was sexually abused and I didn't even realize. 
I can and never will let myself forgive my self. I will continue to punish myself forever because that's all I deserve. 
I pray for forgiveness and know it's their but I can't accept it. I broke myself and now I am no one. 
I try so hard I be someone new, someone worthy of something more but At the end of the day I'm still that rotten person and feel like a dirty whore. 
The pain is all to real and I cut myself to try and make it stop but all the blood as I watch it weep doesn't stop my tears. 

I am broken and I don't know what to do. I cry alone and hope no one finds me alone in my guilt. 
How can anyone love something so evil. I've disgraced my family and it sickens me. 

I can't press charges because I can't face it. I can't overcome this fear because it's apart of me now and I have to live with my mistakes. 

The people in my life that die, escape knowing the nauseous truth. 

God save me, God damn me. 
I throw up because I'm constantly sick with guilt. 
Maybe eventually I will fade and disappear. I wait for that day and take this pain with me so no one else has to face it. 

A small price to pay for a life ruined. 
One day at a time. Thank you blog for giving me my grieving release. 
To try and tire my guilty sick soul. 

Make it stop, let this end. 

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