Psalm 51:10

So the good Lord has blessed me and now I can't sleep because I am so awake. I've taken my handful of pills but I'm still buzzin. 

Thinking about how I crave for a purpose. When I wake up I want there to b a place I need to  be or someone I want to see but there is no one and ther is nothing. 

Some might say I'm lonely but I'm the one that pushes everyone away. 

I pray that God forgives me my sins and keeps me safe, that may my family be blessed and those hungry eat and those hurting be healed. But I? Help me to be forgotten and to disappear so everyone is better off without me.  That I burden no one further with my morbid talk and suicidality, with my sarcastic depressing charm and heavy person to bare. 

I am so sorry of who I am. 

I can not cry unless I see someone else crying. I cannot look people in the eye when they look at me and I cannot feel anything but pain and remorse every breathe I take though I'm clueless to what my own actions have heen but at the hand of others. 

I am so very sorry. Amen

Psalm 51:10

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a stead fast spirit within me.