Sunday, 2 June 2013


I am home now in my parents home rather than hospital home or home in the city.
I have no job, no career, no goals, no expectancies to my life.

Ive spent them last two days in hospital after i woke up there one morning. Story goes it was typical friday night where familiy friends come ovr for drinks and beers and my room mates mother is one of them even though she is a terrible person we still welcome her because shhe has no one else.
A simple example of a horrible/terrible person would not be sufficient for this manopulative, backstarting rumour starting pathetic mole.
I should not let her crap get to me but it does the way she treats my mother and I and for no damn reason. My mother is the most caring person in the planet, and when I see her hurt, knowing its my fault complicates things.
So I had been dreaming and struggling from the words of this devil and I just wanted a good sleep, that is all I wanted. Unhanunted dreams, I begged. I took pill after pill, 5 after 10 until I thought would be enough sedative.
my mother soon found me and i was cold and numb and the friends over wwere also trying to rouse me and get me talking but i was gone, so i was rushed to hsopital trip and pumped free and woke up the next day wondering how on earth I got there. It was the most scariest experience ever. Something you read in a book, not experience.
The question is, "what now"?
my parents are going to USA for another holiday for 5 weeks. They doubt if I will live through it and so do I, so talk of putting me in hospital or whatever i think will be the case.
How did my life come to this?
Why am i such a retard?
Why can't I just leave everyone alone instead of being such a burden. I am told people want me around, but to do what?
What do I want to do with my life other than end it?
These are the questions that taughnt me as I lay down to sleep. And to the people that make you feel this way 'FUCK YOU'. No ondeserves to feel unsafe in their own home, unloved by another or rejected like a fool.
Only God can save us.

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